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lambda

(sketch)

Posted on 2011.06.17 at 09:59
I have a bit of an intellectual crush on the proprietor of Matter of Taste....

it's not exactly intellectual, but it's not emotional either. An intuitive crush?

Basically, he's an awesome dude, but it's extremely difficult to prove why.

I suppose on the surface it's because he's a successful business owner who runs an awesome business. Through his business I met a staff member who I can primarily thank for making his business my "third place*".

It's not just that though; I think it's because we have a weird relationship. It's one I feel I've had with others, Graeme at SPUC, Vanessa, blue_thundering at various eras ... people who I think are incredibly cool and who I think I have a great affinity for, perhaps even a great kinship with, except either I or they or we have difficulty in expressing that in open terms.

For example, we've tried to make conversation. It goes well but we always delve easily into our facades. Why did he decide to stay open an hour past his coffee shop's closing hour yesterday? Because he felt like it, and we laugh, and don't explain more. When he asks what my plans are (outside of finding a place in Toronto), I can answer a little about wanting to read more and wanting to freelance on code. It doesn't come easy like it does with Adrienne (the aforementioned staff member), or rtehmiss, or blue_thundering at various eras, and I don't understand why. Why are some people so easy to talk to?

I suppose it's because I have a great affinity for people who are incredibly interesting and incredibly experienced and don't quite understand how to express it. I feel kinship, for that is how I feel. Dude lived in Vietnam and probably had some connection to the Vietnam War. He's been in the movie industry at some point in his life. His gentlemanly behaviour makes me burn very much with desire to drill into him, to find out who the man is, but if I am scared of anything is is taking the lead in conversation.

Some people claim that anyone who is that difficult to approach is in fact not interesting, but using a facade to hide their own dullness. I cannot believe that, because if I did then it means I am incredibly boring, and I worry well enough about that despite knowing how interesting I can actually be.

The place I most want to be if I don't want to be at home but I'm not at work.

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